That One Crush...

...That Got Away. 

Recently, I noticed something about a friend of mine's posts. It was recently her birthday and I saw something. Then I saw someone I haven't seen in years. As soon as I saw the name, I'm pretty sure everything from kindergarten to middle of 2nd grade flood back into my mind as fast as it left the first time. 

This person was my first crush. And to this day, he's the one who got away. I've heard different things like 'when you're 5, you meet your soulmate' or '7th grade is the year where you find the guy you marry', but I never believe those people. 

I've had crushes since CC (I'll be calling him that just to keep his name away from everyone else) left town. He never told me he was leaving, if he did, I completely blocked it from my memory. All I remember was the day before, he wanted to hang out during lunch and recess, I did so. The next day, he was gone. 

I've been trying to find him to at least say hi to him or something but after a few years, I gave up the search and gave up on CC. I moved on, crushing and hanging out with guys who were older than I was (a year or two). But CC was always in the back of my mind every time I attempted to flirt with another guy. And he shouldn't have been. 

Sophomore year came and I was hanging out with this girl (the same girl who had a birthday) and she was dating him at the time. SW (again, personally and safety reasons) tried to keep me from wondering what was going on with him and if he remembered me. I didn't push it because I knew she liked him and I didn't want to ruin a growing friendship.

Now, it's 2014 and CC has been all I ever thing about any more. I don't know why, I don't know how, I don't know anything. Trust me, I already know. It's not healthy to think about the past and the possible future if this, that, and the other happened between now and then. I just want to say hi, but now it's kinda awkward. 

I don't just want to go and say, 'Hey Caleb! Remember me, Molly Edwards? You went to such-and-such school before you left. How are you, how are things?' You get the picture. And I don't want to friend request him because I don't know how he'd react. I SHOULDN'T Be fearing this - we used to be best friends, we still can be. It's been too long to remember each other. 

I should just message him and see what happens - probably nothing. 

That's if I don't chicken out. Which is possible. 

~Molly