I haven't given up on humanity just yet

I know, I know, I've been gone for sometime now. The main reason, my TV shows haven't been up to par as they usually are. So, I kinda just got into a rut about not writing them.

In two weeks I will be back, mainly because it's the election things. God, I hate those so much. 

But, onto the title of today's blog: I haven't given up on humanity yet. 

My family has been in a tight budget for the last few months now. My mom quit her job, my brother quit his but is working at a new job (which he loves) - we haven't been able to make ends meet. So, we done a lot, that I never thought we'd ever do, and now people are so kind.

My mom was well loved at the place she worked - an elementary where I was a student there for 3 years - and when she quit, everyone (well, not everyone), wanted to help. So, they did. 

Today, we got bags and bags and bags of food and paper products for our, provided by a local church who likes to do this for people who need help. Damn, did they get a shit load of stuff for us? Luckily, my mom already knew they were going to do it - via email - and told them what to get because my family and I are actually quite picky eaters when it comes to food and drink. 

It had to be over $250, maybe close to $300 for everything that we got. Granted, it is things we'll eat and know we'll eat - chicken, beef patties, canned vegetables, canned soup, paper products - so, we have enough for at least mid-November now. We don't go through food that fast and now, damn...what are we even going to do with it all? 

My mom is already going to give some to my dad who happens not to be as picky at myself and my brother, Ian (the one who quit his job but got a better one he loves). So, majority of the beef patties are going to him and two of the chicken breasts (LARGE chicken breasts, go ahead, make all the puns you want). 

That was a gesture that we weren't expecting the next day. The woman told my mom about it and I'm pretty sure that was yesterday or Monday. So, damn, those people work fast. And we just went shopping today! So, our cabinets are full, our fridge is full. 

So, I haven't given up on humanity. 

Yet, I have said in the past I no longer want to live on this planet. I still don't, but at least I know we have some very kind people in this world. 

~Molly

NOW BACK TO YOUR PREVIOUS SCHEDULED PROGRAM!!!

AKA A RANDOM GIRL'S REACTIONS TO TV SHOWS THAT SHE REALLY SHOULDN'T BE OBSESSING OVER!

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Ever feel like you lost your chance at a second chance? Well, I just did. 

I happened to be thinking about a novel I've been trying to write, and I needed inspiration, and my inspiration is gone. He's gone - his FaceBook's been dis-activated. It shouldn't make me upset but, it does, because he was my old friend. 

And I missed my chance. 

I missed my chance at friendship.

I missed my chance on realizing I was finally over him, but I'm not. And I don't think I'll ever be. 

I missed my chance at a second chance. 

All those fantasies were worthless, huh? I can't believe I actually thought I'd get past my autism and ask my old friend how he was or if he happy. I don't even think he realized who I was. So much for Best Friend Forever, huh, Caleb? 

That was thrown out the window when you moved without informing me! You, he, should have told me. Then I wouldn't have been so broken hearted. Bet he was afraid to tell me, bet he didn't want to see my reactions. Well, Caleb, you should have seen my reaction when I was told you moved - it broke me that day. I was broken and upset. Thanks. 

Life just fucking sucks. 

One depressing thing after enough. Can't I catch a damn break? 

Guess not. 

Anxiety

I say this line every time but, 'If you looked at me, you'd never know I have...' an anxiety issue. I'm not quite sure if it is a disorder, I don't remember being 'labeled' with it but it doesn't mean I don't have it and right now, my anxiety is at the max it can be and I feel like exploding. 

I was pretty okay this morning. I woke up, get my breakfast, surfed Tumblr, WattPad, and Quotev. I was having a pretty good morning. Then I told myself I wanted to redecorate my room a bit. I have these books on the floor by my TV (I should have listened to my mother) and I didn't think anything of it. 

My cat, Hatter (who hasn't been fixed yet) has a habit of peeing where he's not supposed to. And this was one of those places. The books I had on the ground, probably worth over 100 bucks right there, four out of the seven were destroyed with cat pee. 

One I was most sad about (actually crying over) was my Supernatural book that costs like 50 bucks and I got it dirt cheap. I literally started balling over the fact that my precious Supernatural book was destroyed by Hatter. And I mean, destroyed. I don't know when he did it but I had no other place for my books. There was a reason why they were near the TV, to stop Hatter from getting back there but it didn't stop him. 

My mom did order me another but that's not the point of this. 

Anxiety can get me at any time and I can't stop it from happened. I've tried in the past but I just can't stop the moments from happening. Personally, I don't mind because it means people stop taking to talk to me or they just leave me alone. I like being alone when I have an attack - my attacks aren't as bad as others I know - and crying it out helps me. It probably won't help you. 

My attacks are the typical attacks you think of. I don't have shortness of breath or feel like I can't move. I just need to cry and let it all out. 

I just learned that Chris Evans has anxiety - props to him. I knew there was a reason why I love him. He's Captain America if you didn't know and I'm pretty sure he was in X-Men too. But I now know of a celebrity who suffers from anxiety (not that others don't, I just don't know any others) and I know look up to him, seeing what he can do with anxiety and having thousands of fans.

Thinking about how I've said in the past and others said to me, I'd make a fantastic actress. I wouldn't be able to handle the crowds of fans and interviewers. I'm find with cameras in my face, performing under pressure, but the crowds, questions, screaming fans, I'd be a anxiety mess. 

I don't know how Chris does it. And another reason why I love him. As an actor, of course. 

Anxiety for me sucks - I get massive headaches at the end. And mine is just coming on now. 

~Molly

Elementary School Generation

My mom came home from work yesterday, upset. I could hear it in her voice. I didn't ask because I knew she'd tell me when she decided to. When I found out what was said I wanted to go up to that little girl and shake her until she got to her senses! Even if she had them. 

Some little 5th grade girl (who probably thinks she's everything) called my mom ugly because my mom didn't have her scarf/hat/bandana thing on her head. My mom has been going through...well, I would say chemo theory, but I'm not quite sure anymore. But she was just getting comfortable without wearing the scarf at home and wanted to try and see what happened. 

I wanted to do something but I knew in my heart I wouldn't. 

This generation of students in my elementary school have giant chips on their shoulders, acting like they are all high and mighty when they aren't. They are just little morons. 

My mom has a heart problem and another issue, I don't really know or understand. But calling my mom ugly behind her back was uncalled for. I wish I knew who the student was and ask her why she called my mom ugly. I bet the little girl just thinks that short hair is ugly but it really hurt my mom. 

I am so glad I'm out of school. I would have punched the crap out of her.

~Molly