Rant-ish

Ever feel so let down that you can't even look at the person who let you down? 

I know it wasn't her fault, but I was looking forward to do. 

I'm probably making herself sick by crying so much - and I shouldn't even be crying right now. It seems so pathetic to cry over this but I think it's my autism acting up on me. 

My Christmas Eve is cancelled because my mom got sick and it's not her fault she got sick. It's not fair! It so not fucking fair and I know some people can't even have Christmas. But if you were looking forward for so long, since the beginning of December, and now you can't even celebrate with your family (the family you see only about 3 or 4 times a year) - you'd be upset to. 

I am no longer in the Christmassy mood. I haven't been since around 2PM. I don't think I'll feel Christmassy tomorrow either as much as I would love to be. 

Why today? Why not tomorrow or something? Why fucking today?!

Have a great day together everyone else, I'll be too upset to even talk to anyone, especially my mom. I know that sounds heartless, but when I'm too upset to talk - it's my autism coming out and playing for a while.

God, sometimes the timing sucks. 

Now I don't even know when I'll be seeing my family. I don't know if Justin is coming by and picking up the gifts or maybe we'll do it on the 26th. I don't know what's going to happen. 

What sucks the most is that I was starting to get everything ready and now I need to put everything all back and pretend Christmas Eve with my brothers, mom and dad, sister-in-law, and nephews isn't going to happen. 

Merry Christmas Eve!!

Today is Christmas Eve in the US and in other places around the world. Its also Christmas Day for some countries.

So Merry Christmas to you all!

Tonight is an annual thing where my family comes over to my house and exchange gifts. Its been a tradition for as long as I can remember, just one thing is different. My nephews are all at that age of "No more?", ripping open gift affer gift after gift and never looking at it until the very end, and being brats.

This year my mom is gift hander outer - it is normally my job but for the last couple of years I can't get to the gifts quick enough to hand them out. Just once my mom and I would love to have a year were everything is organized and proper.

Never happens.

It's not like in the movies where each person gets a gift and opens if with fake excitement. It is always a mess and we never get to see all the presents getting open. This year my mom wants to take pictures and she's never able to because the kids just rip through the gifts like madmen. They act like if we open all our gifts, more will magically appear under the tree. That never happens.

Let's just hope that my eldest nephew pretends to believe in Santa. He's in middle school now and I know a lot of middle schoolers don't believe anymore. I stopped believing a long time ago and my mom knows that. I pretend for my nephews that still believe.

I'm currently listening to music - Christmas music, of course until the next hour. We have - correction I have a lot of prep to do before my family arrives at 6ish. And I still have 14 items on my list to take off before I'm ready for them to arrive.

But it will be fun!

It's exciting to think that Christmas is tomorrow! It is also unbelievable to. It seems likeyesterday I bought the first gifts of Christmas Eve! Two stuffed animals and a book. They are cute and I know they will love them.

I'm excited to see their faces light up when they see everything! Who wouldn't?

The only thing I'm missing is someone (a guy) to spend it with. I don't have a boyfriend, much to my dislike. At this point, I kinda want a boyfriend. But not for Christmas, I'm not that pathetic.

Write you tomorrow,

~Molly

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!! MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!