Rant-ish

Ever feel so let down that you can't even look at the person who let you down? 

I know it wasn't her fault, but I was looking forward to do. 

I'm probably making herself sick by crying so much - and I shouldn't even be crying right now. It seems so pathetic to cry over this but I think it's my autism acting up on me. 

My Christmas Eve is cancelled because my mom got sick and it's not her fault she got sick. It's not fair! It so not fucking fair and I know some people can't even have Christmas. But if you were looking forward for so long, since the beginning of December, and now you can't even celebrate with your family (the family you see only about 3 or 4 times a year) - you'd be upset to. 

I am no longer in the Christmassy mood. I haven't been since around 2PM. I don't think I'll feel Christmassy tomorrow either as much as I would love to be. 

Why today? Why not tomorrow or something? Why fucking today?!

Have a great day together everyone else, I'll be too upset to even talk to anyone, especially my mom. I know that sounds heartless, but when I'm too upset to talk - it's my autism coming out and playing for a while.

God, sometimes the timing sucks. 

Now I don't even know when I'll be seeing my family. I don't know if Justin is coming by and picking up the gifts or maybe we'll do it on the 26th. I don't know what's going to happen. 

What sucks the most is that I was starting to get everything ready and now I need to put everything all back and pretend Christmas Eve with my brothers, mom and dad, sister-in-law, and nephews isn't going to happen.