Writer's Block Fucking Sucks...

Yep, it does. 

It's fucking sucks...

I'm completely bored out of my mind with writing. It's not as fun as it used to be. It's like I'm forcing myself to write and it's not enjoyable. 

I think I need a few weeks to just sit on my bed - movie marathons, TV show marathons, maybe a Harry Potter marathon (ooh, that's sounds good!) - and do nothing. Except I'll do premieres in June. That will be fun! 

I kinda wish Bekah was home (she had a summer course to finish, she won't be back until the end of June :( A whole month without my best friend, what will I do?!) so we could get out, see movies, shop, eat, ANYTHING FOR THAT MATTER! First I need to get my non-driver's ID, need to get on that! 

I am planning on going to Salem, Massachusetts this summer - that if everything with my Mom goes well. She's been quite 'sick' lately. A lot of meds and doctor visits and a lot of blood being taken. I'm trying my hardest to NOT have to go to the doctor unless I need to (next year, tetanus shot! Yikes!). 

SMASH ended.

This post is going all over the place!

Yep, SMASH officially was cancelled and ended last Sunday. I cried, I really did. When Kyle won the Tony and Jimmy made the speech - I teared up. When the ending song happened, I didn't cry until late at night when I realized that SMASH was never coming back, and I had no money in my iTunes account to get the songs (I need like 15 songs, and 99 cents wasn't going to help), at least June is Saturday. 

Tonight is G's final concert for the high school, I can't attend now that I think about it. It was pretty last minute I found out that the concert was this month and that the seniors wanted the original students to come back and sing for him. I can't make it though - too last minute. I'm seriously trying not to cry, knowing that G won't be in the high school anymore when I go over for visits next year. I've cried at night (silently, of course) and it's hard. 

My sleep schedule is completely off - I've been thinking too much. And I mean, TOO MUCH! I'm still up at 1AM, I know I'm a night owl, always have but this is insane! I sleep fine, I get my required hours of sleep a night but I've been thinking too much. 

At one point, I thought about quitting writing.

I'm still considering it.

I want something with my life and writing isn't giving me that anymore. I haven't been having fun with it anymore. It use to be an outlet but now, it's like a job that doesn't have any time off or breaks. 

It's quite hard to happy and I've lost all that right now. I don't know why, I just don't seem myself. 

I've gotten myself on a junk-semi-free diet (not really a diet, I weight the correct amount for my height). I've cut out a lot of snack foods and chips (except Tostitos Scoops, those at too good to pass up and I'm hooked on swiss rolls) but I haven't been wanting anything really unhealthy. With the occasional ice cream bowls I was having during Hell Week but it was Hell Week, I bet everyone pigged out of junk food! 

I swear I'm 20 years of age - but right now I seriously have High School Musical 2 on my TV right now. And... singing to the songs. HEY! I haven't gotten off my bed and started dancing which is pretty good! 

~Molly